My Alter Ego Has a Blog: 2009

I don't finish the stories I begin to write.....

Maybe they're not stories...."stories" seem a bit juvenile...

but for instance:

Jazmin Fortune stood in front of 285 Debauld Street. It was where she grew up. The house had remained the same on the inside but aged on the outside. She didn’t care though….cause she was home. She could see herself as a young girl running around the yard, her mother after her, laughing. She could her mother’s summer dress dancing around her beautiful frame as she teased her daughter, “I’m gonna get you.” She remembered the nights they spent drinking “Well Miss, here you are, hope you have a good day.” Janilah turned around, “I think I will.” She smiled as he drove away then quickly frowned once she realized the amount of luggage she had. “Fuck.” Grabbing the handle of one enormously large suitcase, she struggled to pull it over the broken concrete and overgrown weeds. To some, this was a

And thats literally how I ended it.

Or what about:

Chapter 2 - Coming home

“What happened?” Jani’s father asked.

Janilah shrugged, pressing her forehead against the cool car window.

He nodded, making a right hand turn into their driveway.

They sat in an awkward silence.

“You were so intent on getting out of here. I’ve never seen you so happy.”

Silence.

“Whatever….happened….I’m here.”

Jani turned to look at her father. Their eyes met and at that moment she felt the urge to tell him. She felt the urge to be his daughter, wanting to be held and comforted by him. Tears began to form, sliding down her cheeks. She saw his expression change from confusion to concern. But a wave of shame came over her and she quickly turned her face away.

They sat in silence some more. He started to say something but quieted down. After a few moments, he held her hand. His touch dissipated the wall that had been holding back her emotions. His heart ached watching her heave and sob. Gently, he pulled her into his arms.

“Daddy.” she choked out grasping to him as if grasping at life. “Daddy.”

***

Dinner was quiet...and awkward. She could feel his concern and appreciated it, but it was weird. They hadn’t had a normal relationship since her mother passed. It was cold growing up in the house with him. He showed little emotion and when he did, it was probably out of anger. Jani felt stupid for breaking down in the car. “Do you want to….talk...or something?” he asked over grilled chicken. “No,” she whispered. He nodded, “okay.” A part of her found it endearing that he was concerned….but a separate part wanted to scream “too little, too late.”

Jani collapsed onto her bed and wrapped herself in the comforter. It had been a long day. Glancing at her phone, she saw Alyssa had called 5 times. For a minute she contemplated calling her back...but realized that would be stupid. What could possibly be said? Hey, I was raped at my first college party? Not exactly a hot topic.

A knock on her door; without waiting her father entered. “Tomorrow, could you drop this off at Benny’s place?” He placed a box on her bureau. She nodded, closing her eyes and signaling she didn’t want to talk.

“Night panda.”

He left.

She stared at the door.

He hadn’t called her Panda since she was 6 years old.

Chapter 3 - The Ring

Jani rose to the sound of rain pelting against her window. Looking at the clock, it was 10 am, her father was long gone to work by now. She headed down to the kitchen. After eating breakfast, she took a shower. As she wrapped the towel around her naked body, she had a sudden urge. Closing her bathroom door, she examined herself in the full length mirror. Dark bruises stood out against her even darker skin; they were all about her chest and thighs and abdomen. Remnants of where he had kicked and punched, of where he had pushed his knees into her legs, forcing them to stay open.

“Stop it.” she said, forcing herself to physically turn away. She got dressed - grey sweats, a zip up sweat shirt, and and loose tank top with sneakers.

At the door, she paused. Taking deep breaths she forced herself to open the door.

Pulling the hood over her head, Janilah headed towards Benny’s boxing ring. She watched everyone that approached her from the opposite direction with fear and caution. Anyone could attack, anyone. When eyes lingered too long or too hard, she froze. Breathing quickened and she prepared herself for the worse. But they would always walk by, barely seeing her.

***

“Hey, Benny here?”

“Yea, he’s in the back. I’ll get him.”

Jani nodded and waited at the front. There were nothing but sounds of fists punching sand filled bags and manly grunts. The air smelled of sweat. There was a ring in the middle of the giant gym. Two men dressed in shorts and pads were jabbing at one another. It was like a violent waltz. Jab jab duck. Jab jab punch. Almost lyrical. She stepped forward, wanting to take a close look.

“Hey,” Jani jumped out of her skin at the touch. “Hey, hey calm down chica. Its okay. That for me?” She stared at him, not hearing his words and not really seeing him either. Her heart was beating for to hard & quick for her to focus on anything else.

I tell you, I just can't finish anything.

I've been like this since I was younger. I'd dream up these fascinating stories with amazing plots & twists but by the time I'd sit to write them down, they'd be gone or I'd be off to the next exciting scene.

I've always wanted a computer that I could just hook up to my mind that way I wouldn't have to physically type it all out.